2001 b.net New Zealand Music AwardsThe last time I crossed the Auckland Harbour Bridge was about 8 years ago: I had just been dumped by my girlfriend, and was on the way to the airport to jump on a plane back to Christchurch, where I would spend the next couple of months wallowing about in self-pity. This time around was a much happier affair, and future misery was restricted to a single day (the time it took me to recover from the hangover I was about to inflict upon myself).

I had managed to grab a spot on a taxi convoy provided by the ever-generous people at Festival Mushroom Records, and, having enjoyed a couple of pre-event drinks and pool games with them in their soon-to-be ex-offices, spirits were high as we approached the venue. Unfortunately, we had made the most un-rock'n'roll of faux pas', and arrived ten minutes early. The burly bouncers stopped us in our tracks, and we were forced to wait in a light drizzle, as the cool evening took a cruel contracting grip around the bladders of several of the arriving participants.

Eventually, the assembled throng was granted entry, and there was a simultaneous stampede for both bar and toilet. Much to the disappointment to many of the musos present, there was not a single southern beer to be found on the alcoholic menu: Heineken, Steinlager and Crown Lager being the supposed preferred tipples of those plying the musical trade. Not that the protest was too loud, and indeed, the beer supply ran dry just minutes before the ceremony was to start (to be restocked, admittedly, once the majority of punters had moved into the auditorium).

And the ceremony itself? Well, according to those who might know better (and those who might not -- best email address indeed), it was a bit lame. Being my first, I had nothing to compare it to, so I'll hold forth on judgment, but wiser heads reckon the main presenters (Captain Carson & the Professor of bFM), weren't the best anchors to ever tread the boards, and were responsible for carnage with a fire extinguisher that eventually saw the winner of the Special Contribution award -- DJ Sir Vere -- head home feeling a bit unwell, before he could collect his trophy (P-Money picked it up on his behalf). Not good form, by any standards.

Speaking of picking things up on other people's behalf, the third award of the night was the best music website award. Presented by the Rt. Hon. PM Helen Clark, it was, we felt, a hotly contested competition between mp3.net.nz, bands.co.nz and nzmusic.com. After a nice wee speech in which the PM congratulated both the bnet and herself for their contributions to the growth of the local music scene, the winner was announced: nzmusic.com. The PM waited for someone to go and grab the resplendent red perspex from her person. It appeared as if no-one was coming. Murray Cammick, who the nzmusic crew had made the designated recipient was struggling to make his way to the stage, so, with much encouragement from a couple of individuals at the table where I was sitting, I dashed onto the stage, gave the PM a kiss, and gratefully accepted the award on nzmusic.com's behalf. And I only mentioned NoiZyland.com three times in the acceptance speech [actually, no, I was naughty, but not that naughty].

To tell the truth, the rest of the night was a bit of a blur. Once you've snogged the most powerful woman in the country, everything else sort of dwindles by comparison. The other problem was that after the first two awards, which King Kapisi picked up, it became apparent that he was going to clean up the lot, thus removing some of the anticipation element that should go with an awards ceremony. The public vote aspect of the awards is all very well, but it does mean the act with the ability to generate the most votes is going to win, regardless of merit. The pubic voting system essentially turns most of the categories into a one-horse race. If it is going to be a public voting system, how about making it transparent and updated online? That way people who support different acts can at least see how they're faring as the awards approach, and try to get more help in behind. Or something.

Best act of the night was Sheelahroc, who pretty much blew the audience away with their energetic hip-hop act. "Sheelaroc were the shit!" summed up Che Fu as he picked up his award for Best Vocalist (the only category King Kapisi was nominated in, incidentally, that he didn't win). Sommerset's punk assault suffered a dodgy mix, Jakob's ambient rock was mostly ignored by the crowd who took the chance to do a bit of chatting, and final act SJD, despite the majestic presence of Sandy Mill, also suffered a bit from a delay in starting, combined with a disinterested crowd that was by that point discussing their options on which post-event party to head to.

Somehow I managed up back in town, was turned away from the official post-party .'Reached our limit,' stated the doorman, as half a dozen people filed out. 'What about now?' I enquired, as yet another large group staggered out. 'No, sorry.' What was it? My sideburns? He was going to let in my companions: various members of NZ On Air, the Music Industry Commission and Festival Mushroom, but, thankfully, they chose to stick by my side, and we popped around the corner to a quiet backroom bar, where I managed to tell one of the most powerful men in NZ music (Sony Music's A&R Manager Malcolm Black), that his haircut was fantastic, but the sidies could do with a bit of thickening up. I cringe even now, writing about it...

Finally, we retired to a friendly house, put on some Subliminals, and night gave way to day.

Good work the bnet, although it was up and down, it was certainly a night to remember.

Big ups and shout outs to... Chris for donating a seat at his table to my lanky presence, Cath & Dylan for their unfailing generosity over the entire weekend, Anna for putting me up and taxi services, and D-Super for putting my name on the door (I was too sick to make it). Cheers.
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