Smacking your kids

My post that appeared on the boards over at nzmusic.com, where these sorts of discussions turn up from time to time. Thought I'd record it here for posterity as well.

I've always thought it was a case-by-case basis. I recall seeing a doco once about some hyper kids that would only calm down and start acting in a remotely responsible manner with a stiff smack from their mum. And it wasn't like she was violent -- it actually upset her a lot more than the kids, in fact -- it was just the only thing they responded to.

So, yes, I think a smack or two is something of a last resort for particularly out-of-control kids. And only a bottom smack (not sure about this smacking the hand business). And I'm always amazed when they talk about the law reform and a) it always comes up that some parents smack their kids with spoons or straps or bits of wood, and b) no-one thinks this is in anyway unusual. I personally think that's archaic: "...and after your strapping, it'll be back down the mines for you!".

Naturally, being a softy liberal myself, I vowed never to hit my kids when I had any, and now I have two, I've been able to live up to my word so far (three years into it). I'd have to say though, from experience with friends' kids, and looking back at my own childhood, that I've been lucky enough to have two little sprogglets with incredibly well-adjusted personalities. Milo's yet to get into any serious mischief, and Cosmo, well, yes, he's too busy pondering whatever he ponders to need any sort of discipline yet. I can imagine it'd be a lot different if either of them was a runaway ADD terror like the sort I mentioned in the doco above.

I was smacked growing up as a kid, but only very occasionally, and usually when I'd been quite naughty (fighting with siblings was the main way to get a quick botty-spank, I recall). Didn't do me no harm, as they say, but I reckon my parents would have got the same disciplinary results using a bit of time-out or privileges denial. Probably just lazy, having four kids all aged within four years of each other running around and causing havoc -- a quick smack was a speedier resolution to any trouble than any other option available I suppose. I'm not sure what would get my goat up enough to have me smack one of my kids. It would actually take a systematic series of naughtiness by one of them for which no reasoning or discussion would work out of their system. If Milo decided he was going to maliciously smash a glass on the floor every time he had a drink of milk, for example, and he kept it up for a couple of weeks, I can imagine I'd be getting pretty irate. Although, can't imagine it happening.

The other thing is, if you take a softly softly approach like the wife and I have, the moments you do pull out the heavy firepower, the point is made hard. I very rarely raise my voice to the kids, but on the occasions I have let rip with, for example -- "NO! NEVER push your brother over like that!" -- the effect has been pretty devastating (tears, usually, but also an instant lesson learnt).

So, uh, yes, a typically wishy-washy approach from me. Judge each case on its merits. And if you have to resort to a smack, a quick botty-smack is the best way.
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