Pauline Hanson goes to Prison

Well, Pauline Hanson, the much reviled leader of Australia's right-wing anti-immigrant One Nation Party (remind you of NZ political party at all?), has gone to prison for electoral fraud.

Now, you'd think a political leader getting busted for fraud and dodgy political shenanigans would pretty much spell the end of your average politico's career. But this, remember, is Australia. It's now looking like a savvy career move, and if the messages of support on her website are anything to go by, her popularity is going through the roof.

Like I said to the wife in the car this morning, as we listened to the President of One Nation regale National Radio listeners with tales of Aussies pouring their hearts out in letters, emails and faxes to his imprisoned party leader, all she needs to do now is find some iron armour, break out of jail and get gunned down by a posse of Queensland police to ensure her place in history.
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The Aussie Bible

Well, it was bound to happen, wasn't it? A translation of the Bible into good'n'proper "Strine" (as that particularly unique brand of Australian English is affectionately known). Here's a sample...

Message for Mary (Luke 1:26-38)
When Libby was six months gone, God sent the same angel—this Gabriel bloke—to a backblocks town called Nazareth, in the Galilee shire, to a nice young girl who was engaged to the local carpenter, Joe Davidson. Her name was Mary.

The angel said to her, “G’day Mary. You are a pretty special sheila. God has his eye on you.”

Mary went weak at the knees, and wondered what was going on.

But the angel said to her, “Don’t panic, don’t chuck a wobbly. God thinks you’re okay. You’re about to become pregnant, and you’ll have a son, and you’re to call him Jesus. He will be a very big wheel, and will be called the Son of God Most High. God will give him the throne of his father—your ancestor—King David, and he will be in charge of the whole show forever.”

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BBC to make TV & Radio archives public

Awesome. Greg Dyke, director general of the BBC, has announced plans to give the public full access to all the corporation's programme archives.

The service, the BBC Creative Archive, would be free and available to everyone, as long as they were not intending to use the material for commercial purposes, Mr Dyke added.

"The BBC probably has the best television library in the world," said Mr Dyke, who was speaking at the Edinburgh TV Festival.

"Up until now this huge resource has remained locked up, inaccessible to the public because there hasn't been an effective mechanism for distribution.

"But the digital revolution and broadband are changing all that.

"For the first time there is an easy and affordable way of making this treasure trove of BBC content available to all."

He predicted that everyone would benefit from the online archive, from people accessing the internet at home, children and adults using public libraries, to students at school and university.

Danny O'Brien over at Oblomovka has a good look at Mr Dyke's speech, and other comments the enlightened BBC Director-General has since made regarding this incredible plan from the world's pre-eminent broadcaster -- it's well worth taking the time to read to get an idea of what will be possible. As Danny points out, the archive contains...

Eighty years worth of radio, televisual and film content, from the General Strike to World War II to the era of Benny Hill and the world of the Hitchhiker's Guide .

...and much more.

The mere name of the project gives a hint as to that the Beeb are thinking: the BBC Creative Archive. Just consider the vast number of non-fiction stuff they've got down in the archives: imagine being able to call upon those resources when making your own documentaries.

There are, obviously, problems to be solved...

Sorting out the contractual issues with anything but completely internally produced content will be difficult. There are artist's residuals (payments made to actors for repeat showings of their work), external commercial content, and international rights to consider.

It's not clear what kind of licence the BBC will settle on for its archive. Will you be permitted to redistribute the material on file-sharing networks? Will you be able to do your own remixes of Dr. Who? Show BBC programs at your not-for-profit society? Make parodies of the news using real news footage? The project is a real legal adventure.

But that seems to be half the fun. Someone, sometime is going to have to figure out exactly how these sorts of issues are going to be dealt with, and who better (in my opinion anyway) than the venerable, sensible old Beeb?
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Pompino!

A recently opened central Auckland restaurant has left a bad taste with Italian teacher Arduina Cortesi. She says she was horrified to see the name Pompino, a vulgar term for oral sex on the Queen St restaurant, opposite the Ferry Building. Thinking the proprietors had made a mistake she rang the owner and found he 'not only knew but thought it was a huge joke and when I suggested otherwise he put the phone down'.

The council told Ms Cortesi it had no jurisdiction over restaurant names.

"...left a bad taste...". Ahahaha. Gotta love the NZ Herald journalists sometimes.
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Australian Rugby Books @ Amazin

Once Were Warriors (2003) DVD Avg. Customer Rating: A compelling behind the scenes expose' of the tragic yet rapid decline of Australian rugby. Contains excellent ancient archival footage of when the Wallabies were actually quite good. Also includes wonderful widescreen footage of their 2002 loss to Ireland (snigger), the dreary, soul-less win against Wales and their Anus Horribilus, the holy trinity of dickings - England, South Africa, and New Zealand (times 2, no less). In addition there is rare, brutally honest footage of the TNT courier blokes, bit by bit packing and shipping off the contents of the ARU trophy cabinet that they're always banging on about (such as the only trophies that count for anything, ie. the Super12, Cook Cup, Mandela Plate, Trinations trophy, Bledisloe Cup). Never has a team fallen so far, so quickly...The 2003 Wallabies, deah-oh-dear-oh-dear! "Christ, they were shite weren't they?" ~ New York Times

Ahahaha. Oh how I laughed. And many more classic titles on this excellent parody page...

• 101 Bloody Great All Black Tries ~ And for an extra 20 bucks see the remaining tries, in the sequel : Bledisloe, Game II
• No Defence, No Experience, No Worries! - The Wendell $$$ailor story
• Heroes to Zeroes, Legends to Laughing Stocks: Techniques for coping with horrendous loss

[via cheerschopper. cheers, chopper]
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Album Art 'Homage'

Freaky. Dorfmeister even looks like Garfunkel

I'm in the process of making some album art myself at the moment, for a forthcoming release by my mate Jez Taylor. When we started working on it, we scoped around for some artwork of albums that we liked, and decided to kinda, you know, 'emulate' the look and feel of something good. (Not telling what, you'll have to figure it out when the album, eventually, comes out).

Seems as if we weren't the first to have this idea. This website is dedicated to examples of artwork that 'pays homage' to albums already in existence. There's even a whole section dedicated to the Beatles, who have inspired about as many album cover as James Brown's Funky Drummer loop has songs. Well, maybe not that many, but a lot.

[via j-walk again]
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Amazon Indie Charts Update

The crew over RIAA Radar have added a new bit of functionality to their already excellent Amazon charts system. They've set up some genre breakdowns, so you can see what the top 10 independent, uh, indie albums are (independent as in non-RIAA affiliated, and indie as in, um, well, there's some debate about that).

Hopefully they'll be coming up with rss/xml soon, so sites like this can hook into this goldmine of information without too much hassle.

[via j-walk]
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A Way to While Away Some Time

I love games like this. Very Myst-like. No clues as to what to do. Weird, ethereal graphics. Excellent sound-effects and a bit of a warped sense of humour behind it all. If you've got 20 minutes to burn, give this a go. {Flash required}
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Radio Active 89FM NZ Music Show Playlist
19 August, 2003

I host the New Zealand Music show on Wellington's Radio Active FM every couple of weeks or so, a gig that provides me with an excellent opportunity to spin some of the music that comes my way as editor of the NoiZyland.com site (and, equally, for me to delve into the Active playlist to discover the new things that haven't managed to wheedle their way into my collection as yet). So, for posterity's sake, here's the playlist from my show, with a few notes. I try to have a logical 'link' between most of the songs, most of which would go completely un-noticed by the listening public, but here they are, all explained...

Artist - Song
Twinset - They Call it Chicago Pt. 3 {easy playlist opener. Gives me 7 minutes to get my shit together}
Sola Monday - Dirge {something as easy-listening as the previous}
Cloudboy - Red Rubicon {another female-led Dunedin (originally) act}
GND - Hip Hop Addicts {request}
Scribe - Stand Up {hip-hop #2, current NZ#1}
Fur Patrol - The Lover {another band who've had a NZ#1}
Shihad - Something's Wrong {another Welly band who've moved offshore}
Weta - Let it Go {yet another Welly band who moved to Melbourne}
Loves Ugly Children - Senseless {Part of my 'rock' section}
3Ds - Hey Seuss {More squiggly southern guitar rock}
Disasteradio - Moog Sunshine {change of pace, after some ads I think}
Dark Tower - John Walker {the DIY indie ethic continues}
Bass Kleph - Bonx {Ah, aussies! Whoops. No-one told me (and I was too dense to spot it) that the new Kog compliation has a few Aussie artists on there as well.}
D4 - Come On! {This was going to be #2 in my noisy Auckland section, but with my previous mistake, became #1 in a general rock'n'roll theme}
Datsuns - MF From Hell {#2 rock'n'roll}
HLAH - Doctors & Nurses {#3 rock'n'roll}
Subliminals - Crystal Chain {Bit of Nun section}
The Clean - Draw(in)g to a (W)hole {And some more}
Baitercell - Anything Could Happen {Cover of the song originally recorded by the previous band. And hell's bells. That's a pretty liberal interpretation.}
Rhian Sheehan - Connected {Since we've gone electronic with Baitercell, let's keep going...}
103 - Tourists & their Campervans {Thought I'd slip in this new one from the very good Chch band}
Range - Forever {An old fave of mine, featuring members of the previous act}
Barnards Star - Gulfstream {More chch music, this time as link into the show after me, Deep, which features a lot of this ambient, ethereal soundscape stuff}

So, there you go. Another week, another show. Feel free to drop me a request if you want to hear anything. You can tune in online @ www.radioactive.fm. My next show starts at 9 Sept 0900UTC (9 Sep 2100NZST).
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Bugger.

As they say.
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Indies rock on

Nice to see this article in the Denver Post about the success indie labels are having at a time the majors are complaining of falling sales. Matador Records, the home (or ex-home) to a few kiwi acts (Bailter Space, Graeme Downes, David Kilgour, Chris Knox), are going from strength to strength, much of it based on the label's strong brand, which in itself has come about from years of dedication to only signing and releasing acts the label bosses (a couple of mates) really liked.

Quality, eh? Who'd have thought of it! Not those major label hotshots, who are still looking for the next big follow up to the 'Cheeky Song: Touch My Bum'.

Hopefully this will be a trend that continues, especially with the increased (and cheaper) means of distribution indie labels can now take advantage of when getting their wares to the world. This is doubly important for those of us stuck way down here at the bottom of the world in NZ: the likes of capitalrecordings, loop, arch hill, the kog stable, dawn raid, arc, failsafe, wildside, et. al. have (in most cases) pretty decent rosters, but less resources when it comes to getting the CDs onto the shelves offshore.
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Black Out

Ah, the far-reaching effects of the USA/Canada black-out! My own site noizyland.com which is, of course, hosted in Toronto, Canada, was off the air for a day or so there, along with any incoming email during that period. Please resend if you've got a bounce outta me, or haven't heard back when you were expecting so. Cheers.
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Silent but violent

Whale fart caught on film for the first time.

The researchers claim this is the first photograph of a minke whale letting one go in the icy waters of Antarctica. It was taken from the bow of a research vessel.

"We got away from the bow of the ship very quickly ... it does stink," said Nick Gales, a research scientist from the Australian Antarctic Division.

Ahaha. Indeed. As the initial headline pointed out: "Whale flatulence stuns scientists."

[via boing-boing]
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Reforming the Muslim world - rant

This is what freaks me out about the American Right, from the Bush-lover's Opinion Journal (an offshoot publication of the Wall Street Journal)

Since George W. Bush became president, and especially since he made clear he was taking the offensive in fighting terrorists and reforming the Muslim world [my italics], even we Americans have been subjected to a lot of tiresome tut-tutting about the need to cater to European and even Arab public opinion. But really, isn't it better to be right than popular?

Both would be good. Neither is a nightmare, as Bush is starting to find out (perhaps). And, hell, that conservative US attitude. As my 3yo son will cry out when he spots dog-shit on the footpath, "God that makes me mad!" George Bush, a drunk, stoner good ol' boy right-wing christian has taken it upon himself to reform the Muslim world? Allah have mercy. As if Bush, with his renowned lack of international intelligence (first or third person) is going to invade a country already suspicious of his motives (after a previous coup that brought the new deposed Baath party to power in 1963, and the more recent Gulf War), and then expect the infighting locals to roll over and stump up with a stable democracy as a shining example to the rest of the Arab World.

And this also from the OJ:

Don't be surprised if the America-haters' next talking point is that by renouncing the Kyoto Protocols Bush killed as many people as Osama bin Laden did.

Well, actually, it's true, isn't it? And the deaths will increase as the US pumps more bad crap into the atmosphere, thanks to Bush putting USA Big Business growth ahead of the Economic Development of the Third World & the Actual Environmental Future of the Planet (excellent prioritising as always, Dubya). And the way the Journal lumps "America-haters" in with those who are just pointing out the realities of the USA Government's environmental policies is just getting me into a waving-my-fist-at-the-screen-in-disbelief state. No more ranting for now...
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Google Calculator

That's cool. Google is now a calculator as well. Just type in any mathematical equation into the search box, and hey presto...!

69 * 2 + 1

It also does on the fly imperial to metric conversions...

12 feet in metres

...and cooking quantities! Brilliant!

1 cup in millilitres
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Being Jonathan Marshall: Part II

Ahh, it justs gets better. The site put together to give online tabloid sleaze-merchant Jonathan Marshall a bit of stick has been handed a 'cease and desist' order from Marshall's lawyers, and has thus taken all its (very amusing) content offline pending further advice. It's all very ironic, considering Marshall is doing exactly the same thing over at his tabloid site, and is avoiding legal strife (so far) by hiding behind the vague nature of defamation laws with regards to offshore sites (which, incidentally, the owners of this site could do as well, hosted as it is by the US-based Angelfire.com). As the 'Being Jonathan Marshall' editor points out...

It appears that Jonathan Marshall's sense of humour and belief in freedom of the press does not extend to anything mentioning himself.

Maybe the 'Being Jonathan Marshall' site owners should have registered the site using a false Nepalese address as well?
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Tabloid: NZ Style (i.e. bad)

It's just so lame. I mean the website: terrible design, font chaos, and no actual content. It's frustrating for those of us that run real websites that some semi-notorious failed tv 'personality' who has turned to bite the hand that once fed him can whip up a tragic site like this and (reportedly) generate more traffic in a day then I get in a month. Ah, listen to me whinging.

Anyway, another site has popped up in response - Being Jonathan Marshall - (and a delight it is to behold as well, with layout and CSS supplied by the Book of Style, where I'll be shopping for my next site design), which gives the paparazzo a bit of his own treatment (although, to be fair, he's probably loving the publicity). Russell Brown has also done a bit of digging and discovered that Marshall's tabloid website has been registered using a false address, in violation of his ISP's Terms and Conditions. Naughty.
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WAM!

Q. Does getting hit with pies turn you on?

A. Sometimes. When done right, the whole pieing experience can be very sensual and erotic. It doesn't always turn out that way, but when it does, it can definitely feel very good.

Finally, a site that caters for those of you with a fetish for women getting pelted with cream pies and other sticky substances. You can even buy videos of some WAM action, featuring the site's owner Phoebe, and a range of other girls (one of them, Lizzy, like myself, was a "WAM virgin and didn't even know what WAM was." I still don't know what it stands for: Wet and Messy?).

Incidentally, I didn't find this site whilst exploring my own depraved fetishes (of which I have none, oh no), but while experimenting with The Random Personal Picture Finder site, which uses common digital picture default filenames and google image search to display a bunch of (mostly boring) personal pics that have been trawled off the web. Once in a while though, you do see something that catches the eye (like the WAM image above). Hours of pointless fun...
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Aphex Twin: a step beyond your backwards vocals...

The Aphex Twin - a mad genius-like electronic music-maker - has embedded a 'demonic' picture of himself inside the spectrograph output of his track "Windowlicker." Amazing what you can do with transforming one medium into another nowadays, in this case using a bit of software like coagula, which transforms image data into sound.

(via j-walk)
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Last words

Probably the most morbid website I've seen. Ever. Transcripts (and a few mp3 files of Air Traffic Control tapes) of fatal plane crashes, including the only major Air New Zealand crash, the infamous 1979 DC-10 crash into Mt Erebus, Antarctica.

(via MetaFilter)
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Bill Murray

Ohhh, this is great. A soundboard of Bill Murray samples which you can use (if you're so inclined) for prank phonecalls. Personally, I just like hearing the man talk.

"Back off man, I'm a scientist."
"Chicks dig me, 'cos I rarely wear underwear, and when I do, it's usually something unusual."
"You're afraid your bladder will explode?"

...and other gems. Also on the site are the barking sergeant from Full Metal Jacket, Jack Nicholson, and, another fave, Ladies Man.

(via j-walk)

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Bigger penis? Ooo, yes please!

Just who the hell is dumb enough to actually order the 'miracle pills' that 'increase girth and extend length!' from one of those dodgy email spams that have become some ubiquitous over the last couple of years?

Lots of people it would transpire. Someone's nicked an order log from on of the vendor's sites, and it reveals that customers include CEOs, lacrosse coaches (dodgy!), and Rotary club members (ahaha, members!). Orders from this one log averaged US$100 per transaction, times 6000 transactions. As Wired points out... " you begin to understand why spammers are willing to put up with the wrath of spam recipients, Internet service providers and federal regulators."
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Walton Cube

ahaha. A follow up to my previous post. The Time Cube has made such a splash it's even spawned its own parody site.

"Bill Walton can accept simultaneous greatness because of cubic thought. Every player can be "greatest of all time" because of WALTONCUBE paradigm that invalidates REASON GOD. Every team can be simultaneously "worst of all time" because Waltoncube logic negates reason paradigmn."

Some people (*ahem*) obviously have too much time on their hands. Although, if you're getting in four days for every one, I suppose there's time to burn on frivolities.
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Time Cube

If anyone could explain to me just what this theory is trying to say, I'd be most appreciative. I must be, as Dr Gene Ray would say, a 'dumb ass' and 'evil for not understanding'. eg.

"Any dumb ass should know that a prime meridian does not just pass through the Greenwich point, but it also passes as a great circle through both poles, crossing the equator at 2 opposite points, dividing Earth into 2 halves of light and darkness, with each its own 24 hour rotation - in a single rotation of Earth. You should know
that harmonic symmetry demands a second great circle meridian to create sunup and sundown corner quadrants? There are 4 simultaneous 24 hour days within a single rotation of the Earth.
You may be too damn evil to accept it."

Of course.
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Arcadia

Ah, multitasking, one of my favourite past-times. Especially when it's four games at once.
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The 100 Worst "Groaners"

No, not bad porn acting, or tennis divas doing their thing, but news. eg.

"Clash With Police - The cops wore blue and the rioters wore purple. A serious faux-pas before Labor Day. Stripes and checks clash. Cops and mobs FIGHT, and we should say so."

I love this kinda stuff. Another 99 instances of reporting cliches and stupid writing are listed, most of which turn up with startling regularity in the nz news media.

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Paul is dead.

Well, that's interesting - Paul McCartney did die in 1966.

This site (and this one) do fairly lengthy analyses of face/ear/nose shapes pre and post-66, as well as vocal comparisons and investigations into the 'hidden clues' that the Beatles left behind in artwork and recordings that provides "Undeniable Forensic Proof that Paul McCartney really was replaced with a Look-Alike in 1966."

I particularly like the assertion that John Lennon thought the Rolling Stones were behind the plot that had McCartney killed (a scheme that also rubbed out Brian Epstein, who was likewise replaced with a double), as "they were well-known as delinquents."
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A Low Hum: June 2003

The top NZ music 'zine is now available for download via the website. If you're interested in indie NZ music, get it.

The June edition features interviews with Conray, the Stink Magnetic Crew, the usual plethora of fantastic live photos and reviews, and a fiendishly difficult crossword from yours truly.

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We Like The Moon

Mental.
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Librarians fight the power

"To Priscilla Hudson, public libraries are society's great equalizer, a place where anyone can go to learn regardless of their economic, social or political background."

Word.

American librarians and bookstore owners are fighting a provision in the USA Patriot Act that gives authorities access to records of what people check out from libraries or buy from bookstores. Although the legislation hasn't yet been passed into law, and lawsuits are under way (from the American Civil Liberties Union and several Islamic groups) to stop it from coming into force, librarians are already taking measures against it: shredding sign-in sheets, posting signes warning users that their records may be accessed by federal authorities, and deleting user-records of anyone who asks.
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Primate Programming(tm) Inc

"Our chimps and bonobos handle complex maintenance tasks and are experts at debugging techniques. For this reason chimps usually have a higher bill rate."

And in the next office they've got some chimps whacking out some Shakespeare. Great stuff.

(via j-walk)
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You are Christchurch

Jesus, and a picture of where I used to work (Christchurch Arts Centre)! Busted.




Which New Zealand city are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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More BuyMusic goss

More bad press for BuyMusic.com - it would appear they've acquired their 300,000+ strong catalogue of songs from The Orchard, a US distribution company that has a bad track record with artist dealings: regulalry ripping them off by not paying for CDs and/or not returning unsold CDs.

It would thus seem that BuyMusic.com is, in many instances, selling music illegally, without permission of the copyright holders. Just like napster, but for profit!

Although, now I read the thread, one user has pointed out The Orchard contract contains this clause...

You grant to us throughout the Territory during the Sales Period the NON-EXCLUSIVE rights to sell, copy, sublicense, distribute and otherwise exploit any and all of your Recordings by any and all means and media (whether now known or existing in the future), including, without limitation, the non-exclusive rights to sell, distribute and otherwise exploit any and all of your Recordings throughout E-Stores including, but not limited to, those via the Internet, as well as all digital storage, download and transmission rights, whether now known or existing in the future.

...which may not have been the contract many artists signed, but which is the current contract, and, as is pointed out by at least one online artist...

"Such a contract is preditory and shouldn't be allowed in any civilized country."

...and...

"...a contract that the artist isn't paid for is void for lack of consideration if he delivers his goods and receives nothing in return. It's all well and good for a contract to say "we can sublicense your music and renew this contract automatically" but if he receives no consideration for this, then it's just words."

Ah, 'tis a tangled web...
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Argh!

Be warned. Not pretty.

(via MeFi)
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