Friday, July 30, 2004
That's not drinking is it?"I'm not a boozer, I like my three gins and a beer and that's not drinking is it?"So says Noel Stewart, the 80 year old Southlander who has had his mobility scooter confiscated after repeatedly drinking and, uh, scooting. His daily tipple is, according to the TVNZ news report, double the safe amount promoted in anti-drink driving campaigns. And on top of that, it wasn't his scooter: it was on loan from the local RSA, with whom he'd signed an agreement saying he wouldn't drink while using the scooter. But, you know, three gins and a beer isn't really drinking, is it? # | Thursday, July 29, 2004
Can you show me your ID please?It is a moderate nuisance in my life that I don't have any 'proper' ID. My driver's license is long lost, and, without forking out $26 and the slightest bit of effort to get a Birth Certificate out of Internal Affairs (always loved that for a Goverment department's name), I've managed to do without any serious form of ID for my entire adult life. Until today. Here I am: two days of stubble sprouting from my face, 6 foot 6 inches tall in my big shoes and wearing what might passably be called 'formal work clothes'. I was standing at the checkout of the supermarket buying a bottle of merlot, apples, tomato sauce and the latest copy of Staple. The 'key!' call goes up from the 15yo girl doing the till, and the duty manager, an older sub-continent looking gentleman come across to give the alcohol transaction the ok, and eyeballs me up. I have never, not even when I was sixteen and buying riggers from the Kaiapoi Pub have I been stung for ID, but now... "Can you show me your ID please?" I had to laugh. But then I realised he was vaguely serious, and, flustered, had to admit ... "uhh, no, I, um, never. Uh. I've never had any. I'm thirty-one! I have two kids!" He bought it. I'm sipping the merlot now. And it wasn't until afterwards that I realised I had lied about my age. # | Wednesday, July 28, 2004
America v. Terrorists: a historyIt was interesting to watch the reaction of the USA (and buddies the UK and Australia) to the Spanish and Filipino withdrawls from Iraq following, respectively, the Madrid rail bombings and the kidnapping (and threatened beheading) of Filipino Angelo de la Cruz. There was, pretty much across the board condemnation and disapproval from the chief partners in the 'Coalition of the Willing' for the Spanish and Phillipines governments. For example, the Washington Post editorialised... "Manila's act of cowardice... proves to terrorists that kidnapping and executing innocent civilians can successfully pressure government to cave in to their demands."In Australia, Foreign Minister Alexander Downer was reported as urging the Philippines to not withdraw their troops, arguing... ...that it would increase the chance of hostages being taken, saying that no country could allow terrorists to change its foreign policy.Fair enough, I suppose, but this article is interesting, detailing several instances of where the USA has backed down to terrorists. Namely...
# | Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Nice and Easy The winners and finalists of the 2004 48hrs Film Festival are turning up in drips and drabs over at nzshortfilm.com. Unfortunately, the one I was involved with (tenuously - if you can count handing over three CDs of my music as involvement, then I was indeed getting my hands dirty), hasn't yet made it online, but other efforts from people I know or have met are there - including Sam Buys' (aka samflux) effort Nice and Easy (which, coincidentally, had the same theme/prop thing going on as our film), Igor de Borst's Shutter Speed (Dolf de Datsun's brother, wouldn't you know?), and Taika Waititi's winning effort Heinous Crime. There's a few familiar names in the Auckland bunch as well - mostly because of their celeb status: some Shortland Streeters turn up here, hire-a-nz-music-host Dominic Bowden makes an acting appearance (in a film with my ex-flatmate, oddly enough), and some of the Auckland comedy fraternity had their hands in this pie. Happy viewing. # | Monday, July 26, 2004
Kids' namesI just got my elder son's monthly kindergarten newsletter. (Guess what font it's written in? Yep, no surprise, comic sans.) Anyway, amongst all the thank-yous and tales of good deeds done by more handy and less time-challenged parents is a list of which teachers are responsible for which children during the day. The kids' names are so cool. Check it: Sieni, Ethan, Rosary, Paloma, Conrad, Stephen, Jasper, Milo, Ariana, Adelle, Ngaremu, Penny, Desley, Orepa, Abel, Fia, Lana, Nastaha, Aniqa, Annie, George, Lautalie, Elias, Stella, Cameron, Olivia, Luka, Lucy, Carlia, Yaxye, Taylor, Jenny, Nirav, Lawrence. What sort of melting pot of cultures is that? Awesome. # | Friday, July 23, 2004
Motorcade MadnessIf you're not a NZer, or have been sheltering in an ice-cave in the Southern Alps for the last week or so, you may not be aware of the furore that has arisen over the PM's motorcade dash to Christchurch Airport last week (in order to catch a flight in time to make the All Blacks v. Australia game in Wellington). Anyway, the story's being doing the usual rounds, with Russell Brown wondering 'why all the fuss' (and then, as pnn adroitly points out, continuing to dedicate an entire column to the topic), pnn compares Clark to a spoilt rich-girl, and, amazingly enough, nzpundit nearly sees eye-to-eye with Russell by saying... What a load of croc. Trying to organise the PMs schedule (from whatever party) would be a nightmare and I am well aware the the Crown Drivers (with their police escort) regularly make up time to catch planes and make appointments. So they should. It's common for Leaders around the world to be given a jump on the traffic.(But not before slagging Clark off for her support of the arts, race relations record, international relations, blah blah blah...). But the best bit of comment I've seen is from Labour MP John Tamihere, a member of the PM's cabinet, and whose brother David is serving time for the murder of two Swedish tourists. John, writing about the motorcade kerfuffle on his blog says... The only experience I have had like it back home was the time I was the passenger in a car driven by my brother who was strangely blind and deaf to the lights, sirens and exhortations of the police car following to pull over...Classic. # | Thursday, July 22, 2004
Mint Chicks leave a sour tasteSo, wannabes The Mint Chicks are 'the next big things', huh? Well, far be it from us to bitch, but owing to a lack of evidence in their music, perhaps this refers solely the grandiosity of their egos. Far too busy and important for a face-to-face or even phone interview, their record company FMR contacted this website to offer an email interview with 'the boys', who had just returned from an excursion to Britain and the United States. We at Noizyland dutifully fired them off a list of questions. How did your meetings go with Geffen, we asked. How large and receptive were the crowds you played to overseas? According to the Americans you met, where can NZ be found on the map? Were you able to communicate clearly and easily? FMR thought our questions were very good. This pleased us, as we have been working as music journalists now for a very long time and according to a myriad bands, both famous and in this case, not so, we have so far had nothing but praise when it comes to our question-asking skills. Sadly for us, however, The Mint Chicks' manager John Baker disliked them and said he would not pass them on to the band. When pressed, he added that he was 'unhappy with the tone' of the questions. When pressed still further by FMR, he replied, rather sulkily if we may say so, that he no longer wanted to proceed with the interview. So now we have only one outstanding question for The Mint Chicks: who the fuck do they think they are? Jennifer fucking Lopez? We would like to thank FMR, who handled the situation admirably despite their obvious embarrassment and to all the bands we've loved before, because they're good people. And are we still taking the money from advertising their new EP on our website? Damn straight we are. # | Monday, July 19, 2004
Stompin'The Mukpuddy animated cartoon for the King Kapisi song "Stompin'" is a classic. I heartily recommend that you download it from here.  # | Friday, July 16, 2004
More Friday Fun Ahaha, this is a classic wee bit of flash-fun. Stop the drunk from teetering over as you guide him on his drunken way. Record so far from me: 70m. # | Thursday, July 15, 2004
Bookworm Arrrgh! Natalie Biz threw down the gauntlet last week, and I'd been toiling away towards an all-time unbeatable top-score, when the game froze up! 'Tis a cruel, cruel world. I had, at least, topped the million mark, beating Natalie's score, but I felt I could have gone on to even greater heights, perhaps even reaching the level of 'Bookworm Supreme'. (According to this site, I was already a Bookworm.) Ah well, at least it's out of my system now. If only my addiction to Puzzle Pirates would subside - I might be able to start doing something constructive with my spare time again... # | Monday, July 12, 2004
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.Some great humour from Mitch Hedberg, who seems to do a spiel along the lines of the Steven Wright...I never joined the army because at ease was never that easy to me. Seemed rather uptight still. I don't relax by parting my legs slightly and putting my hands behind my back. That does not equal ease. At ease was not being in the military. I am at ease, bro, because I am not in the military.Many more here. [via cracker] # | Saturday, July 10, 2004
So, when will it turn up on Jackass? Ahahaha! The product page has pictures of happy smiley kids, but one suspects there'll be nothing but tears when the new SmartKlamp® circumcision device is put to use. (Be warned: linked-to-page has no-punches-pulled pictures of a pre-and-post-operative penis).The guys over at Gizmodo knock it on the (ahem) head when they say... I like the future so much that I even like the past's futures, futures that were planted with love but never quite formed into a fully blossoming flying cars or whatever. But in the future, as I'm lounging around with my dome open, instructing technicians to lift my brain onto a substrate of pure electrical joy, I will never, ever, ever let a robot cut my dick. I might have sex with a robot, that's fine; looking forward to it, actually. But at no point will I be placing my penis into a tube filled with knives.Word. And it gets worse. The 'how to' guide reports that the "SmartKlamp® stays on the penis for five days" to allow for healing. During this time, reassuringly, the # | Friday, July 09, 2004
International Music NewsFirst up, the UK authorities have finally caught up with the man reputed to be the world's biggest bootlegger - Mark Purseglove. Using bootleg copies of live recordings, he's managed to make £15m over the last 11 years, some of which he used to buy a £530,000 flat in Chelsea, as well as "a luxury lifestyle of designer clothes, expensive cars, homes and holidays." What's great about this story is the label names he released the bootlegs under: Criminal Records, Wanted Man, Masquerade and Not Guilty. And, in not safe for work news, a couple in Norway clambered onto stage during a performance by the band Cumshots (asking for trouble, aren't they, with a name like that), and proceeded to have sex as a way of showing their support for rain forest preservation. Yes, the rain forests. They're part of an environmental organization called Fuck for Forest, and if 21 year old Leona Johansson is typical of the Scandanavian activists who are members of this group, I think there's going to be a queue about a mile long at their recruiting office this morning. # | Thursday, July 08, 2004
Not really a journalistI'm pleased Russell Brown has posted the transcript to National Radio's Linda Clark / Don Brash interview from Monday morning, and specifically the bit where Linda takes Don to task about his claim that New Zealand has "one of the worst crime records in the developed world."Clark: Well, that's interesting. See, that's what you said in your speech yesterday. You said arguably we've got one of the highest crime rates in the developed world.Bwahahaha! Classic. The wife and I were stuck in traffic down Jervois Quay at the time, and had a good old chortle over that one. But, yet again, Brash seems to have struck a chord with the masses, and debate has now opened up over what is to be done about the growing (depending on which stats you use) crime rate, and the rate of recidivism amongst those that do get convicted of serious crime. For my money, the root of the problem is social - no amount of tinkering with the prison system, deterrents, longer sentences, whatever, will make any (or at best a minor) difference to the crime stats (or the 'production' of criminals). The root of the problem is in the way people are raised, and I think Labour have done pretty well at introducing some legislation that will, down the road, improve the lot of many to the point where they don't feel that crime is the solution to their predicament. Speaking of Linda Clark, how funny was Eating Media Lunch on Tuesday night? Not being one for the telly, this was only the second episode I've managed to tune in on, and the segment where they interviewed some Christchurch Broadcasting School students was priceless. Newsboy: Name a ginger journalistAhahaha! Another good laugh had. # | |
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